september was a struggle. each day was filled with anxiety and the fear that i wasn’t doing enough. however, i was working seven days a week and couldn’t find another minute to be more “productive.”
i was stressed out and emotionally spent.
thankfully, i recognized the familiar signs of overwhelm early. it was a struggle when working as in attorney in public policy. sundays were my worst days as i dealt with major anxiety about the upcoming week.
i talked about leaving my previous career here in order to find peace. so how did i find myself knocking on the same door?
although i was doing what i loved — blogging, working in fashion and consulting — the anxiety and stress were still present. working with my therapist revealed a very important truth.
The Back Story
my whole life i’ve had to strive for more. to be better, to be the best, otherwise i would be denied the limited opportunities available in my small home town. this struggle taught me that i’m unworthy of success unless i’m working my fingers to the bone.
consciously, i know this mindset is some bulllshit, but the lasting effects of trauma are real AF.
during a therapy session, i realized that i’d subconsciously transferred my negative beliefs about work to creating online content. this means without a boss, judge or jury dictating my creative process, i was navigating self-imposed stress. i believed that I couldn’t achieve my goals unless i worked at an ungodly pace.
I Took a Break
my therapist helped me to unpack my limiting beliefs around work and success. i’m ambitious and a hard worker, but those skills don’t have to translate into me being a workaholic. i needed to create boundaries in order to resent and refocus.
so i took a break.
i stopped blogging and all social media for over a month. i took a break from my obsessive need to plan. i didn’t pitch to a single business to create a 2019 holiday guide. i put myself first and focused on getting back into alignment.
i worked on embracing gabby bernstein’s mantra in her new book super attractor: “good things come to me easily.” periodt.
What I Learned
- when i create from a place of fear and inadequacy it shows. i can’t expect folks to engage with content that i’m not creating in a space of spiritual and emotional alignment.
- i had to give myself permission to feel good and release control.
- i trust my higher power enough to know the universe has my back.
- the world won’t crash if i don’t post on social media.
- my mission in life is to heal while helping to heal others. it doesn’t take me being a full-time content creator to achieve this goal.
- i am worthy.
over the last month, i’ve constantly reminded myself that i am enough. i’ve embraced the knowledge that good things don’t require struggle. if you’re seeing yourself reflected in my story, then take a break. there’s no consequence to doing so that is greater than your peace.
stay tuned for my next post all about the resources that helped me get centered while taking a much needed break. some of them might shock you.