i haven’t always been a confident person. in sixth grade, one of my classmates walked around the room and measured all of the black kids’ noses. don’t ask me why or where this idea came from.
i was left with the not-so-exciting designation of having the largest (and therefore ugliest) nose. it was the origin of a serious insecurity that forced me to spend hours looking in the mirror. i would imagine myself with a smaller nose and therefore prettier face.
european beauty standards are real.
then there was the fact that i was five foot nine at only twelve years old and continued to grow. always the tallest girl i knew, i felt like the most unattractive person in my life.
over 20 years later, i’ve long left these insecurities behind. now i realize that i was brilliant, an avid reader, talented writer and wise beyond my years. plus, i was an adorable kid and a teenager with amazing style. however, i couldn’t see any of this myself.
it’s amazing how negative narratives can shape our lives forever if we let them. i made a conscious decision to leave my early childhood and adult insecurities behind. in fact, my life is one that i created full of joy, love and passion.
READ: How Loosing My Hair Boosted My Self-Esteem
the seven lessons below helped boost my self-esteem in ways beyond measure.
seven ways to boost your self-esteem
- stop comparing yourself to other people. comparison is a playground for insecurities. once i stopped believing that i needed to compete with other people, i started to run my own race. plus, the unhealthiest parts of social media fuel the urge to compare. if you notice your vibration sinking after a few scrolls then take a break from social (my favorite is to mute certain posts and stories) to refocus on all the dope shit you do.
- start taking ownership over your life. i spent almost four years in an abusive relationship, but i’m not a victim. i’m someone who chose a toxic situation and one day developed the courage to leave. while i certainly understand the kind of circumstances that may cause women stay in abusive relationships, carrying the victim narrative continued to place my power in his hands. nah, bruh. leaving him reminded me that i was in control and could choose the life that i wanted to live.
- surround yourself with likeminded people. i once read that you are the average of the people you keep around you. when i stopped associating myself with low vibration people, i started to see the world differently. my current group of friends and colleagues thrive off of opportunity and creativity. they reflect the kind of person that i want to be, including having a deep belief in themselves.
- pursue a career that sparks joy. we spend the majority of our lives working. spending this time in an industry or career path that you hate chips away at not only your joy, but your confidence to do what you love. i left my job in public policy to work in fashion and consult. something shocking happened — i didn’t end up homeless or hungry. not only am i surviving, but i’m thriving and making plans to expand my business. that kind of confidence could never have come from my previous cubicle life where i was afraid to even self-advocate.
- make self-care a habit. confident people believe in their right to self-care. whether investing in myself spiritually, mentally or physically, i make a routine out of putting myself first. this habit has caused me to create better boundaries with folks around me and leap for greater opportunities.
- focus on growth and self-discovery. one of the major ways that i boosted my confidence is by increasing my knowledge. books, podcasts and youtube videos are all staple parts to my personal development routine. figure out your passion and feed it until it grows. this kind of growth is guaranteed to boost your self-confidence.
- welcome discomfort into your life. i can’t name the number of times that i’ve placed myself in extremely uncomfortable positions that caused me to grow. the dope part is every time i do so, my skills grow stronger. in fact, my ability as a public speaker grew from a place of pure discomfort. i never would be able to stand in front of large crowds like i do today without constantly pushing myself to move past fear.
increasing our self-esteem is a lifelong commitment. while my confidence is the highest it’s ever been, i hope using these seven principles will allow it to continue to grow. some of the most successful people in the world have made this commitment to themselves, and i’m inspired by their journeys.
Very inspiring!