most folks switch their wardrobes, clean their cupboards and empty their closets during spring.
in fact, my washington, dc suburb has an event every year called spring clean where people put their old furniture on the curb, free for the taking. what if we used spring cleaning as a chance to not only get rid of material things, but to declutter the mental stuff that weighs us down?
this is the first post in our series called spring clean within, a time to press refresh on our emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
in order to root ourselves in this time of renewal, let’s start by decluttering our fucks. why? because giving a fuck takes some serious emotional bandwidth. it can be both carnal and masochistic. it kept us from getting put out the tribe and starving to death during prehistoric times and today makes us do useful things like take a shower and pay our rent.
however, giving a fuck also drives our impulse to do shit we don’t really want to do. for example, pet sitting our neighbor’s dog for two weeks when we actually hate animals.
in short, giving a fuck is both a blessing and a curse. the kind of thing that will control your life if you don’t figure out what truly matters.
it’s time to stop spending your precious fucks on things that don’t matter to impress people you barely like because you feel the need to be nice. the truth is, being nice isn’t what’s actually driving this behavior. it’s your underlying need to feel validated by others. to receive confirmation that you’re worthy of friendship or instagram likes. get settled in who you are and watch your fucks become priceless.
so how do you decide what to give a fuck about? i recommend starting with the list below and then reading sarah knight’s book, the life changing magic of not giving a fuck.
spring clean within: how to declutter your fucks
will someone die?
no one is going to die if you don’t wake up at 6 am on your day off to serve cookies and kool-aid at children’s church. white baby jesus knows your heart and recognizes that sometimes you deserve to rest above all else. a sure fire way to put your fucks into perspective is to remember that few things have life or death consequences. most of what we toss and turn about at night has a level of urgency and importance that we proscribe. you can simply change the narrative to stop giving a fuck.
is your mission to be nice?
stop trying to be nice. let me say this louder for the people in the back: STOP TRYING TO BE NICE. it’s inauthentic and forces you to invest in people, places and things that don’t deserve your time and attention. i’m not arguing for you to growl at old ladies, but i am giving you permission to experience and display your true emotions. if being nice is the only reason you’re giving a fuck, then you’re doing yourself and the recipient of said fuck a disservice.
does it spark joy?
does it spark joy might be the most overused phrase on this blog. oh well. unless the thing you’re caring a whole lot about is sparking a whole lot of joy, your priorities are misaligned. ask yourself if your energy is flowing to things that truly make you happy. if the answer is no, stop giving a fuck immediately.
is it healthy?
make room for things that enrich your life. going through struggles with an abusive partner or obsessing over our bodies because of low self-esteem are not things worthy of our fucks. if you’re unsure whether you’re giving a fuck about things that are harmful to your spirit, check out this post.
who’s running the show?
the purpose of spring clean within is to restore our power to care for ourselves and control our circumstances. constantly putting other people’s desires before our own is unhealthy and forces us to deny our true intentions. you matter enough to say no. you matter enough to run the show.
for folks who are reading this and think: “tashira’s so mean” — good. keep in mind i’m a self-care enthusiast, and i’m sensitive about my peace. i’m invested in getting rid of the politeness industrial complex that tells women our bodies, thoughts and cares are not our own. we do not exist to please or give a fuck about *fill the blank* beyond our own desires.
drop a comment and let me know how you save your fucks for things that truly matter. follow #springcleanwithin on twitter for the latest!